My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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