Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
