Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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