We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
