I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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