remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
