Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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