you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
