I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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