Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
