whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
