You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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