Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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