In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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