i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
