i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
