I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
