Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
