Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
