hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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