Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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