I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
