I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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