if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I did not marry a roomba.
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