Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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