90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
