THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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