She's JV to your varsity
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
