The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
