If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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