THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
