I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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