if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
