yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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