I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize