I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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