i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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