guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
