so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
