bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
