I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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