Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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