He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize