but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
