I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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