the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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