You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
