Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
