you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Drake has all the answers
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize