Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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