Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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