I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
