tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
