wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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