a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
