Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
