Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
