Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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