Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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