trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize