party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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