I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
