Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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