If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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