there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
