Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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